“A
bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded,
of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent,
not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules
his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence.” (1
Timothy 3.2-5)
Summer
comes along and the thought of spending time outdoors with our families and
friends brings a warm feeling to our hearts. It’s no surprise that in June,
then, the beginning of the “official summer season” we take time to honor our
fathers since grilling and outdoor activities have come to symbolize men in
general but fathers more specifically. For weeks leading up to Fathers’ Day,
advertising seems to center around dad, mom and kids around the grill enjoying
quality family time. My memories of spending time with my father enjoying the
outdoors still bring a smile to my face. But is that all there is to honoring
fathers on Fathers’ Day? Sadly, for many families, this is the limit to
Fathers’ Day.
We
cannot speak about fathers without also speaking of our Heavenly Father, Who
loves us so much that “He gave His only begotten Son.” (John 3.16) His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
then established His Church as “His Body” (Ephesians 1.23) to be the Ark of our
salvation. We were baptized into His Body becoming one with the Lord Who gave
us “the right to become children of God.” (John 1.12) Our real, albeit
mystical, union with God is what leads us to understand, or at least
appreciate, the connection between family, church and heaven. When one is
united to God, one cannot help but discuss every aspect of life from the
perspective of union with God…whether we are grilling in the back yard or
receiving the Eucharist in Church on Sunday.
When
Saint Paul outlined the requirements for a bishop, he was expressing this
truth; that leading the Church was not a separate function of men, but a
function of fathers and husbands leading their families to God. Although today
our bishops are ordained from within the celibate clergy, this was not always
the case, but we’ll leave that topic for another day. There is much more to
understanding Church polity that is beyond the scope of this article. How then
is it that our fathers, physical and spiritual, lead us to God? Let us begin
with the first statement of Saint Paul, by replacing the word “bishop” with
“father.”
A father then must be blameless – Saint John
Chrysostom said, “Every virtue is implied in this word. [The father’s] life
should be unspotted so that all should look up to him and make his life the
model of their own.” Rather than asking whether or not our fathers are
unspotted, since nobody is without sin, maybe we should ask, “Are they striving
to be blameless?” The true role model for families is a life of repentance and
confession when we don’t always live up to the standards God has for us. “Therefore, if anyone is in
Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have
become new.” (2 Corinthians
5.17) In Christ our fathers are constantly becoming blameless.
A father then must be the
husband of one wife – In an era of “no fault divorce” and “common-law
marriage” this requirement may seem antiquated or out of touch. It goes without
saying that divorce has become too prevalent in our society AND Church, but
“From the beginning it was not so.” (Matthew 19.8) Divorce, while being
unavoidable at times, and then only for certain reasons, cannot and should not
become the norm in our Churches. We must strive for marital chastity and a
father must be dedicated to healing and building a marriage and family whenever
possible. In fact it reveals greater character to repair a marriage than to
flee from it, which serves a greater model to our children and families.
A father then must be
temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach – How our fathers relate to others reveals the condition of their hearts.
“Every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” (Matthew
7.17) Our actions reveal our nature. In fact the fruit of our behavior indeed
teaches our children and others. We are all able to teach. The real issue is
WHAT we are teaching in our actions. If we desire our children to be temperate,
sober-minded and of good behavior, fathers must model this in their own lives
and their children will follow.
These are the character traits that fathers must possess. Saint Paul then
includes what fathers “must not” possess in their character.
A father must not be given to
wine, not violent, not greedy for money, not quarrelsome, not covetous – I have never met anyone who desires a drunk, violent, greedy, feisty,
selfish father. And yet, I have met many people who are all or some of these.
What happens between what we desire and what we receive? As Saint Paul reminds
us that, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3.23) We
each are engaged in a battle to subdue our passions. Some are more successful
than others, but all fall short….all. If all continue to fall short, is there
any hope for fathers and families?
A father must rule his own
house well, having his children in submission with all reverence – What makes a father great isn’t whether or not he has always succeeded
in keeping Saint Paul’s commandments. What makes a father great is his
willingness to lead his family (and therefore the Church) toward God with all
reverence.
The only true model of a father is The Father, Who even though His children
and His Bride (the Church) disobeyed Him and continue to disobey Him, has never
faltered in His dedication to leading us toward Heaven. Since that first moment
in the Garden, God has been working to restore us to Himself. Our Father in
Heaven is blameless, temperate,
sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine,
not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous;
one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all
reverence…of course God is perfect…
If we, as
fathers, strive to live these traits in our lives, then we shall be perfect,
just as our Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5.48) And that is something
worth honoring this Fathers’ Day.
